Violence as Mindset

I know someone who has a terrible underlay of anger and violence in everything and about everything and he frightens me.  This mindset requires another underlay…  the need for controlling it and being around that requires trust.  He’s a drinking alcoholic in denial which exacerbates it.

We were raised in the same Germanic ethnicity, of righteous anger, control and nastiness toward children.  My French parent sat in silence, maybe he was stunned into inaction, maybe he had no idea how to countermand it, maybe he was afraid.

  • A story:  One day my little children were playing ‘house’ and the one who won the privileged role of ‘mother’ instantly became my mother!  But she didn’t know my mother.  She was playing me and my worst nightmare had happened.  I was passing it down to yet another generation.  I isolated myself, took apart my behavior, looked at it objectively, vowed to reverse it and made a plan.  I removed, stopped, ended every negative comment (and a whole load of negative thinking.). Because the child’s reptilian brain demands that it attempt to please the parent, I adapted a new way of speaking to them.  Ignoring the behavior I did not like, and looking for examples of behavior I wanted to reinforce, comments became  only about how well they were doing in pleasing me:  “I love it when you put your dishes in the sink.” and the consequences of this were huge.  We all became happier but, in addition, I’d become relaxed, happy, unstressed and playful. Life was good. Life was great.

All cultures have fundamental agendas and they are played out in childrearing,  passed from generation to generation forever and recent studies show that they alter DNA.

  • German:  Fighting for ‘The Fatherland’.  The language is abrupt, paternal and dictatorial.  Childrearing includes constant criticism, bullying, humiliations and physical abuse.
  • French:  Non-violent, happy, pleasant social interaction.  The language is lyrical and beautifully flowing.  Childrearing includes enjoying them as they play.
  • Asian:  Saving face.  Careful  to protect the self-esteem of others.
  • American:  A polyglot cultural mixture of everything,  a war zone if you will.
  • Bhutan:  Happiness of the people. Bhutan has been referred to as The Last Shangri-la.

Bibliography:

CPR. No More Mouth to Mouth

After ten years of research, new protocol is changing CPR to compressions only and it makes perfect sense.

The American Heart Association now states that “compression-only CPR works as well as, and sometimes better than, traditional CPR.  A study by the university of Arizona claimed a 300% greater success rate over standard CPR. The exceptions were in the case of drowning or drug overdose.”

Compressions only CPR has been used in Japan and much of Europe for many years.

A correctly done compression will depress the rib cage enough to exhale and release will act to inhale.

‘Room air’ is 21% oxygen and the lowest oxygen concentration available.  The area from bronchi to the outside edge of the nose, however is not oxygen, it’s called ‘dead space‘ (because there is no way to exhale all of the CO2 from the tubes leading to the lungs.)

Extending the dead space by adding a tube, increases carbon dioxide (CO2) and therefore reduces oxygen available to hemoglobin.   Adding the dead space length of the rescuer is adding a tube and reduces inspired Oxygen from room air to maybe 17%.

The addition of a tube and disturbed O2 /CO2 balance is in effect with scuba divers also.

Bringing Baby Home to Pets

Bringing  a new baby or preemie home to a family that includes dogs?  Here’s a bonding trick.

Take a clean piece of cloth, a wash cloth, or maybe use a worn out NICU shirt they are going to throw away… one for each dog, and shortly before the baby goes home, ask the nurse to put it in the crib, next to the baby.  If it’s a shirt, put it on the baby.

Then carry it home in a plastic bag to insure the baby’s smell is strong, and one by one, give each dog in the family a treat, pet him, talk lovingly to him and then give him the shirt to smell.  Then put it into the dog’s bed.

Repeat this for each dog.  They will then bond with the baby before it comes home.

I’m OK. You’re Not OK. A Game

The how and why of unhappy, dysfunctional workplaces. and how to get out of it.       

All disciplines have game theory, Computer. Psychology, Chemistry, Political, War…

Transactional Analysis is the study of Psychology game theory as defined by Eric Berne in his book. Games People Play.  The how to recognize these games interference and how to get out of them is clearly laid out in the fascinating book by Jongeward and James, Born to Win.

The three part game, I’m OK.  You’re Not OK., Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch, and Rappo! (throwing a monkey wrench into the works) is the foundation of America.  It’s the foundation of what goes on inside of families, of hospitals, schools, governments, business, each a microcosm os the whole.  Rappo is when, for example, managers of a large hospital unit walk in one morning and fire the strongest, most talented, smartest nurse.  This controls behavior of the staff for years.

So you recognize that this game is in play and someone begins the scenario with you.  How to get out of it?  Simply say:  “I’m not playing.”, turn and walk away.  The thing that always amazes me is that this sentence stops them, even when they don’t understand game theory and are so entrenched in a game within the framework of their lives  that they believe it to be normal behavior.  

This game underlies dysfunctional families and super controllers.  It stifles excellence, creativity and good outcome.

The goal of excellence is positive regard, partnership, mutual support and success creates opportunity for serendipity, the meat of life.

I asked a film director what his job was and he said:  “My job is to create a framework within which everyone can do his best work.”

Perfect.

Feng Shui. Perfect Flow

The Chinese Garden in Portland, Oregon is an example of perfect Feng Shui.  Looking at a scene as if through the lens frame of a camera, a perfect scene is balanced in terms of shapes, color, light and empty space.

China has installed a garden with pavilions, bridges, ponds, foundation plantings and seasonal flowers onto one city block in Northwest Portland.  Stand at any spot in this garden and what you see is perfection.  Turn ten degrees and again perfection.  Walk twenty steps  and turn back… again perfect Feng Shui. Turn around completely and look in every direction.  Perfect.

How did they do that?

Pick a flower and put it into a vase.  Now walk around it and look at it.  Every new view is perfect.  This is Feng Shui.

What is Feng Shui?  It’s the flow of energy without hesitation or restriction. It explains why Chinese furniture has rounded edges and openings in places.  This easy flow of energy is extremely calming.

There are rules to strict Chinese Feng Shui and an elegant book about this is Wind and Water.  See the post  ‘Don’t Want to Move?’ which contains a trick from Wind and Water.

Dark Skinned People are Born White

Again and again, mom stands waiting next to the isolette, beaming, happy and proud when dad comes in to see his baby for the first time.  He becomes angry, sometimes raging angry.  His baby is white skinned and blue eyed and dad accuses mom of infidelity.

I’m always amazed that this is not understood by every member of every dark skinned family.  Not knowing this causes terrible problems and heartbreak.

Skin color, hair color and eye color is a  factor of light.  Melanin, the cause of color is only triggered by light and the baby has just emerged from the darkest place on earth.  Color takes awhile to develop and may not be fully established for 6 months.  The white color may be pink or reddish but this is from a high ‘crit’, the red blood cell count.  With a normal crit the baby’s color would be white skinned not all but the majority.

On dad’s first visit, I’d tell them that all babies are born white and that their baby would have his beautiful color within months.  Then I’d show them examples of his color in his nail beds and the ‘Mongolian Spot’ at the base of the spine.

Why do People Use Blowers?

Why not vacuum sidewalks instead?

Think about what’s in that cloud of dust.

  • Dirt
  • Mold spores
  • Dog, cat, rat, possum, raccoon urine
  • Maybe some human urine

All of it just moved around, not removed.

All of it breathed into the lungs of the one holding the blower. Because the urine is no longer wet does not mean it’s gone.  It’s just dehydrated and in the moisture of your nose and mouth, it redydrates.

Not healthy.  Very disgusting.

Little Children Need Water

We forget, it doesn’t occur to us but little children can’t get their own water, maybe even bigger children.  They can’t reach a glass or the sink and must ask every time so they probably only wait until they are really thirsty.  Figure out a way to put a fresh bottle of water (and crack open the cap) somewhere down low every day.

  • A story:  When I nursed the newest baby, I’d become very thirsty.  My little children would bring me wonderful glasses of water until I realized no-one was tall enough to reach the sink. So their father came out of the bathroom one day asking: “Why is there a paper cup dispenser on the wall next to the toilet.”  I said: “Because I don’t want them spreading germs.” Well, that didn’t solve my problem so I put one of those blue things into the tank and a sign up saying… ‘Don’t drink blue water’.

Don’t Want to Move?

Tricks to change a depressing, forced move to a nice adventure.  It’s magic.

  • Get a box and go around your house, selecting your most precious things… photographs, things the children made that you want to save forever, special gifts, letters, your Gratitude Journal, a vase and pack them into the box.  Take that box to the new home.  Instantly your heart leaves the old and bonds with the new.  Arrange them in the new house, bring a flower for the vase and replace it with a new one every time you go to the new home.  This is from an elegant and wise Feng Shui book, Wind and Water.

Feeling like your new home is not yours?  Another fix, more magic.

  • My daughters visited for my birthday.  The day arrived and the pilot among them asked if I wanted to fly to Seattle and hang out for the day.  I said that what I wanted to do is clean house. They looked at each other, grinned and said:  “ALL RIGHT !!” Blinds went up, doors opened, music on loud (Aretha of course), cleaning equipment out and we cleaned, danced, sang, ate and laughed together.  Major Fall housecleaning. Here is the magic part… the house now had sweet memories of family, our memories.  We as a family imprinted it.  No longer was it foreign and temporary.  Now it was home and precious.

Clean Brushes. No Turpentine

The oil of oranges lifts old hardened paint with no damage to what’s underneath.  Brushes left for months can be restored to workable again, soft and pliable.

Orange oil is in only one product.  Fantastic, Orange Action.  It smells like oranges, leaves no film, removes paint from fine hardwood floors, window casings, and probably from many other hard surfaces.  It replaces turpentine and is certainly safe to the environment.

Fantastic Orange is sold at Home Depot for sure.  Grocery store shelves are lined with orange colored cleaners in spray bottles but none of them contain orange oils.  Only Fantastic by S.C. Johnson.