Beliefs That Hurt Our Lives

  • Life is fair.
  • Everyone must like me.
  • Everything is supposed to be good all the time.
  • Nothing should change.
  • There is an ideal daddy.
  • Daddy will always take care of me.
  • There is only one way of doing things.
  • Wasting time is bad.
  • Beautiful people are also good people.

A story:

Our Pediatrician, Dr. Lendon Smith told me when my children were little that a boy of 4 pees, in the toilet, 25% of the time and on the floor 75% of the time.  By age 8, it was toilet 35%, floor 65% and on up to the adult male, toilet 75%, floor 25% and my daily anger at them all just vanished. It was just one of the bad percentage days in the routine of things.

Same holds true with life being fair.  As soon as one understands that life is not fair, the stress and angst vanish.  Fair is a precious gift and deep love is due to those who work to be fair.  Unfair is a rock in the road to get around, learn from and disengage from.

And when stress is going to wreck yet another day, find a favorite spot, curl up with a cup of something hot and listen to PACIFE Music to Calm, it’s magic.

Preemies are Survivors

Comments we get from parents of children who were very tiny preemies are ‘he is so feisty’. The baby is thinking and problem solving all the time. He’s going through Rites of Passage  events akin to the Indian boy in the Sweat Lodge, the African boy with tribal scaring  a first skydive or standing on a mountain top.  But he is going through it at 1 pound. He will come out, smart, fearless, and happy. These kids are always happy. Think of it. Life is just getting better… all the tubes are gone, he is held by those he loves dearly, he rides in a car, home is wonderful and he spends time outdoors. Every day is better for him and he is learning to expect that in his entire life.

Teaching a Preemie to Suck

There is only one pacifier shape that teaches good sucking.  All others, except the Nuk, work against it.

Because of prematurity the baby is born before the full, strong sucking reflex was established.  He must be taught to suck,  to gain cheek muscles,  to learn the correct combination of sucking and pulling without air leaks and to transfer these skills from the bottle to the breast. Working in NICU for 20 years, I’ve used this system of teaching sucking efficiency with hundreds of babies and it works every time.

  • Hold the bottle near the neck with the thumb and middle finger and using your last 2 fingers, support him under the chin, then when he starts sucking, put traction on the bottle. The chin support  brings the jaw forward and the tongue forward and his response to the traction is to curl his tongue around the nipple. This with the ring of the nipple against his mouth gives a firm, efficient package and he will begin to build up strength, cheek muscles and stamina.  He will take a few sucks and then stop to rest.  This is hard work for him in the beginning.  Some nurses twist the nipple repeatedly in the baby’s mouth, others pump up and down or back and forth. The baby will not learn to suck if that’s the case. They are simply expressing milk into it’s mouth. (and it makes me crazy)
  • The Pacifier. There is only one pacifier that teaches them to suck correctly. It’s the original Binky (pink image below), a rather large, rounded bulb with a stem fitting into a curved mouthpiece. This thing is magic.  It will teach him to suck at breast like a normal newborn. Email Binky (Playtex) and ask where to buy them near you.  The NUK pacifier was designed by a German orthodontist to bring a receding chin out and it does not strengthen the tongue.  Other pacifiers are either too short, too straight or too flat, preventing the infant’s learning a good tongue curl and grip.





Gerber is again marketing the original Binky for which every parent should grateful.  It’s called First Essentials and if not in your grocery stores, it’s available on Amazon.