I’m OK. You’re Not OK. A Game

The how and why of unhappy, dysfunctional workplaces. and how to get out of it.       

All disciplines have game theory, Computer. Psychology, Chemistry, Political, War…

Transactional Analysis is the study of Psychology game theory as defined by Eric Berne in his book. Games People Play.  The how to recognize these games interference and how to get out of them is clearly laid out in the fascinating book by Jongeward and James, Born to Win.

The three part game, I’m OK.  You’re Not OK., Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch, and Rappo! (throwing a monkey wrench into the works) is the foundation of America.  It’s the foundation of what goes on inside of families, of hospitals, schools, governments, business, each a microcosm os the whole.  Rappo is when, for example, managers of a large hospital unit walk in one morning and fire the strongest, most talented, smartest nurse.  This controls behavior of the staff for years.

So you recognize that this game is in play and someone begins the scenario with you.  How to get out of it?  Simply say:  “I’m not playing.”, turn and walk away.  The thing that always amazes me is that this sentence stops them, even when they don’t understand game theory and are so entrenched in a game within the framework of their lives  that they believe it to be normal behavior.  

This game underlies dysfunctional families and super controllers.  It stifles excellence, creativity and good outcome.

The goal of excellence is positive regard, partnership, mutual support and success creates opportunity for serendipity, the meat of life.

I asked a film director what his job was and he said:  “My job is to create a framework within which everyone can do his best work.”


Thinking Outside the Box

Some of us who expect life to be perfect and easy and fine always will become frozen in place, terrified and worried when it get’s hard.

Any problem solving at that point is ‘thinking inside the box’, running with possible solutions to a stopping point and bouncing back to the other wall of the box.  As panic sets in, the box becomes smaller and smaller.

It helps to problem solve with a trusted friend… the friend, not confined by our box will take you outside of it and into new, interesting and even exciting options.

Figure out where things went wrong and if it was because of an error you made, recognize it, don’t beat yourself up about it, just resolve not to do it again.

Then make a plan and write it down.  The plan may never happen and that’s OK.  Having a plan shifts one outside of the box to positive solutions.

Write an affirmation for a positive outcome.  (see sidebar).

It seems that the times we learn, grow and change  are when working out the hard things.  Easy times are for rest and recuperation.

Life is a workshop.

Dogs Sleep Through Firecrackers

Dogs panic during loud noises.   Nurses who took PACIFE Music to Calm home found that, with it playing in a darkened room, their frightened dogs would sleep through firecrackers and thunder storms.
See testimonials.

Wrist Blood Pressure Cuffs

Wrist BP cuffs are now inexpensive, accurate workhorses.  So accurate they are being used in large hospitals.

Walgreens has a wide choice and one of the least expensive  is at  Amazon has the Omron 3 series, an elegant little wrist cuff and the least expensive.

Buying one that shows at least the last 5 taken, preferably with a graph, gives you fascinating proof that you are retraining your blood pressure down.  (Retrained mine  from 150/105, scary,  to 105/60 within days and it’s stayed in that low range for  9 years, through thick and thin, without doing anything more.)

Blood pressure is a closed pressure system, a fixed amount of fluid volume running through a fixed system of pipes.  If you contract all of your muscles, with great force, for example, the lumen of the pipes will compress,  and the same amount of volume will be forces through a smaller space.  When taking BP at home, sitting on a chair, prop your feet on a stool to remove pressure from the back of your legs (or sit on the bed, or stand up) and put your wrist at the level of your heart.  This gives the least blood vessel compression to large body areas and greater accuracy.

Postings in the Blood Pressure and Stress categories on the sidebar give more information.

High Fructose Corn Syrup and Weight Gain

My family ate big, German Wisconsin meals every day.  Meat, potatoes, gravy, cooked vegetables, home made bread with lots of butter.  Desert every meal.  Cake, ice cream, pies, milk… and no one was ever anything but lean and robust, living with perfect health into their 80s.  Not only my family but everybody we knew.   No fuss about it, no thinking about weight and no such word as diet.  We certainly had preferences and foods we liked better but there were no overwhelming cravings.

There were some unhealthy things but they didn’t seem to affect us.  For example, heavy frying and all baking was done with Crisco which was lard!

So why is keeping weight down so difficult now.

It’s because the days of pure foodstuffs in our diet are gone.    Sodas were made with sugar.  Everything fried was fried with butter.  Ice cream was made with cream from a cow.  Peanut butter was made with peanuts.  Chocolate was chocolate.  These are foods that the human body has acclimated to over thousands of years.  They don’t cause cancers, heart disease, high blood pressure, clogged arteries.

Now a can of soda is 1/3 high fructose corn syrup.  Chocolate is palm oil with chocolate flavor and brown coloring.  Peanut butter is cottonseed oil with peanut flavor and brown coloring.  Ice cream is oil, high fructose corn syrup and coloring.  Read the labels.

All of this is metabolized and stored by the body differently from the things it’s supposed to replace.  Some of it is recognized by the body as a foreign or toxic substance.  The three tropical oils are palm, cottonseed and cocoanut and they were never made to be eaten.  They are in cosmetics, lotions etc. and palm oil is used to grease machinery.

They all have one thing in common.  They are cheap.

And we are being lied to.

High fructose corn syrup stimulates the liver as much as pig fat.

Change Something You Do

When you have a kind of behavior that’s annoying and you want to be rid of, go into a quiet place and interview yourself using a kind of Gestalt Therapy.  What you learn will knock your socks off.  Ask yourself a question, for example:  “Why is everything a struggle for me?”  The first answer that pops into your head is the correct one and probably not what you’d ever expect:  “Because ‘too easy’ is no fun.”

Whoa!!! where did that come from?  Then you can change it.  Make ‘too easy’ the fun and the struggle not fun.  Use an affirmation:  “Everything comes easily for me and is joyous fun.  My life is running smooth as silk.”   See ‘Write an Affirmation’ in the Positive Thinking category in the sidebar.

Then do something nice for yourself whenever things are going well and love yourself.

Worrying is a Bad Wish

Worrying also shuts off the mind.  It certainly shuts it off to problem solving toward a positive outcome.

Think about the words we use in the worry:  “Jerry is going to be hit by a car.”  This is a declarative sentence and it’s just thrown out there into the ether!    An intention.   A message to the Universe.

Some people  are professional worriers, often about things that were never going to happen and life becomes frightening and out of control.  Why do we do it?  To keep on guard against the thing happening?  So we expect it and won’t be so disappointed?  All useless.

Things to do to stop it…  write a positive affirmation:  “Jerry is safe and happy.”  (see the sidebar for how to),  wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it  (sidebar about how to break a habit),  become positive and optimistic and turn off the news.

Lower Your Blood Pressure

It is said (and personal history shows it to be true) that stress burns Vitamin B reserves quickly, within minutes.  Effects of this are damaging wear and tear on the body;  elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate and force of contraction, headache, sweating, irritability, anxiety, fear and anger… all part of the survival ‘fight or flight’ response necessary to the warrior.  Stress  raises lung, heart and blood vessel pressures within the chest cavity and halts digestive and reproductive functions.

Environmental stressors of busy unstable social structures and modern diet deficiencies take their toll so turn off the news.

Use a wrist blood pressure machine as biofeedback.  Sit in bed, against the wall and take the initial blood pressure.  Close your eyes, relax your shoulders and think it down…  retake it.  As it lowers, the automatic part of your body will keep track of how it’s happening and within, minutes, days or a week, it will have become automatic.  Blood pressure is the body function most responsive to biofeedback change.

Stress B complex vitamins bring blood pressure down also.. Schiff’s B 100s are the replacement for the huge plates of brown rice which we don’t eat every day.