What if I feel guilty prioritizing self-care?
Written by
Stella Nilsson
Reviewed by
Prof. Benjamin Murphy, Ph.D.It's completely normal to feel guilty about taking time for self-care, but it can be entirely counterproductive. This guilt often stems from cultural conditioning, which prioritizes others over oneself. I have worked with many clients to help them overcome this block, using practical instruction in reframing. In viewing self-care as maintenance, rather than a luxury, your outlook changes completely.
Cognitive Reframing
- Technique: Replace 'selfish' with 'maintenance'
- Application: Before/after care tasks
- Benefit: Permission justification
Affirmation Practice
- Technique: Daily positive statements
- Application: Morning mirror ritual
- Benefit: Internal validation
Evidence Tracking
- Technique: Benefit documentation
- Application: Evening journaling
- Benefit: Tangible justification
Cognitive reframing is an effective way to change guilt narratives. Instead of thinking, "I'm being selfish," believe, "This maintenance will allow better care." When caring for my aging mother, I repeated this phrase to myself during morning meditation. It was two weeks before the guilt faded, and my energy reserves had noticeably increased.
Use micro-practices that actually prove valuable. Giving yourself just five minutes of breathwork and then helping your children with their homework will result in greater patience, among other benefits. These observable results will lay the groundwork for intrinsic motivation. Small wins prove again that self-care helps rather than hinders caregiving.
Affirmations provide daily reinforcement of giving permission. Stand in front of a mirror and look into your own eyes as you say "My needs matter too" three times. I suggest doing this while practicing your hydration rituals. The physical actions, in conjunction with the verbal reinforcement, create new neural pathways that ultimately support the practice of prioritizing self without judgment.
Keep track of your caring ability improvement as you care for yourself. Patience is tempered with children after morning nature walks. Emotional clarity is instrumental during moments of anger, especially after journaling. I keep a record of my improvement in a simple journal. Evidence satisfies the false guilt forever.
When it is reasonable to do so, include dependents in activities to lessen any guilt from separation. Gentle stretches together or drinking water. These also become bonding rituals that signal their parent are not abandoning them and are engaging in self-care activities. My clients have reported a 70% reduction in guilt when using this type of approach.
Read the full article: 10 Essential Self Care Activities for Daily Life
