Why does self-care often feel selfish or indulgent?
Written by
Natalie Hamilton
Reviewed by
Prof. Benjamin Murphy, Ph.D.Many people feel guilty about self-care, thinking it's selfish. This is a widespread misconception that often arises from the false notion that maintenance is a luxury rather than a necessity. It's through maintaining your mental resources that you can support others sustainably; otherwise, guilt, resentment, and burnout are inevitable.
Cultural Conditioning
- Productivity-obsessed societies equate worth with constant output
- Childhood messages like 'don't be selfish' create lasting guilt
- Martyrdom glorification in media and family systems
Misunderstanding Needs
- Confusing wants (luxury) with needs (sustainable functioning)
- Equating basic maintenance with unnecessary indulgence
- Inability to recognize personal depletion signals early
Boundary Confusion
- Fear that saying no equals rejection or failure
- Unclear distinction between responsibility and over-responsibility
- Conditioned belief that others' needs always come first
I learned this the hard way throughout my counseling career. Initially, I would work through lunch and take on extra clients. Due to my exhaustion, I became irritable with clients. It wasn't until I established boundaries that I was able to be fully present for others. It was self-care, in fact, that transformed my ability to give.
Reinterpreting self-care with these truths in mind. Taking care of your sense of mental health is not selfishness. It is responsible ownership of your own mind. It is like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. It ultimately makes you a better long-term caregiver. Your enhanced ability expands what you can do for others for a longer time.
Start changing your mindset today. Notice your guilt triggers without judgment. Exchange the thoughts of "I'm being selfish" with "I'm protecting able to give". Notice how your charged energy affects your relationships with others. The reframing in itself will create the foundation for guilt-free self-care practices.
Read the full article: 7 Essential Self Care Steps for Mental Health
